Book Review | Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine
Before I get into this, please let me state the trigger warning that trauma in the form of physical and sexual assault is discussed.
WHEW!!! This book was such an eye opener for so many reasons.
The first thing that I love about this book is that Levine is a firm believer that the body can heal itself, that you can heal yourself. That, I totally believe in and its great that a scholar also thinks the same. Another point that this book makes is that when we depend solely on technology/doctors, we lose the ability to recognize and trust ourselves/our natural processes. This book was written in the late 90’s so imagine how much more relevant this statement is.
As I read this book, I was taken aback because what was written on the paper was what I am currently experiencing or what I had experienced during traumatic moments of my life. For instance, there was this passage.
In the relationship with my mom, which is similar to a lot of instances in my life, I have felt this. Not being able to “fight”, not being able to “run away”, feeling helpless, and repeatedly traumatized. Post-traumatic anxiety and depression is real and I feel like I have not been able to fully discharge all the stored trauma over the past few years…mostly because I keep getting retraumatized by certain life situations.
I also recognized a symptom of stress/trauma that I experienced when I was physically assaulted, specifically the times when I was raped and another separate time that I was choked by someone who I had been romantically involved with, and when I was working a job that was draining my soul. This symptom of stress that I have experienced multiple times is called dissociation. Levine states that dissociation “protects us from the impact of escalating arousal” and “dissociation protects us from the pain of death — there was no sense of pain nor feeling terror, though quite conscious of all that was happening”. When I read that, I automatically got flashbacks. I was brought back to the room where I was raped and I remember my body going lifeless and this feeling of “lightness”, my eyes fixating on a light outside, just waiting for it to be done. I went back to the the Brooklyn Theatre where a 6’4” 300lb man put his hand around my neck and carried me away from my friends, my feet off the ground, but I had never felt so calm in my life. I remember him letting go for a moment only to put me in a chokehold, this time I was unable to breath, I heard my neck crack, and still, there was this sense of not being in my body. I felt no pain. It didn’t fully register what happened until he let me go and I walked back with my friends, bewildered. I went back to the time at my job where I passed out, or I thought I passed out, my body lifeless and immobile, no movement, no breathing, I think my heart was still beating. I remember hearing everyone clamor around me, someone asking for a shoe size and someone else saying that they were a doctor. I remember retreating so deeply in myself that I couldn’t speak, it was like I was in this quiet dark room..but again, peace.
It is really astonishing how the body protects its existence and the mechanisms that it comes up with to do so. I am really grateful for this book to help me put things into context.
One thing that I honestly can never get down with is that my ancestors evolved from dinosaurs. It’s not that I don’t want to believe it, its just that no fiber of my being resonates with that theory. There are a few references to Jurrasic Park & I’m like, I get it, “we evolved from the reptile dinosaurs! *cuts eyes*”