I Use My Period to Gauge My Healing
**TW: s-xual abuse/trauma/r-pe.
I am going to be very transparent about my experience with my periods, my vagina and my healing journey.
For those with a womb, for those who bleed, your bleeding time can help you assess your energetic and physical health.
I will use my own body and experience to explain what I mean.
From the time I started menstruating, my period has been pretty regular….all until 2009 when I had my first encounter with the man who abused and raped me. My reproductive organs went all types of wild. I wouldn’t get my period for 2 months and then when I did, I would bleed heavily for 10 days. I knew something was wrong. I went to a doctor and all she told me was that my hormone levels were through the roof, diagnosed me with perimenopause (I was 18). She prescribed me with birth control and sent me home. I was so confused and scared that I would never be able to have children. This doctor, who happened to be a Black woman, did not ask me about my stress levels or my emotional state once. I was being sexually abused almost every day, I was severely depressed and suicidal AND I was in college. Whose hormones wouldn’t be soaring through the roof? I took the birth control, but then I started spotting. Essentially I was bleeding for most of the month. While I was still concerned, it lessened the amount of times I was abused. I wasn’t really feeling the birth control after about 6 months, my body never got used to it so I stopped. The abnormalities of my period went on for 2 years and ended when I dropped out of college. My period resumed some form of normalcy when I left him.
The next man I was with was emotionally disconnected and an alcoholic. While being with him, my cycle again went out of sync. At one point, I thought I was pregnant because I didn’t get my period for three whole months then I would bleed every two weeks. Again, once I left the relationship, my cycle became more regular.
Any time I was under emotional distress, my womb would be in a frenzy and my moon would be all over the place. When I bled, the first day was THE worst with debilitating cramps, my blood was damn near brown and I would often have clots.
When I was about 22 I began to do my research on natural ways to help myself mostly because I didn’t have health insurance and also at that time, my spiritual journey was getting deeper. I fell more in love with herbs and natural/nature aligned ways of being.
I learned that trauma is stored in the sacral chakra and if you have a womb space, that is where the sacral chakra is. Our sacral chakra is where our creative, sexual, sensual and life energy originates and is stored. It is where our emotions live. It is also where trauma, guilt, shame and The Shadow are housed. Many reproductive health issues stem from some kind of trauma, whether it be sexual or not.
I remember the first bleed I had after consistently exercising (it was mostly yoga back then), staying away from toxic ninjas, drinking lots of water and ingesting herbs that assisted with womb + blood health I almost cried with how bright red my blood was. I hadn’t seen that in a long time.
Something else that helped was changing my mindset on my period. Growing up it was seen, culturally and societally that one’s period was a time to dread, hate and be annoyed with. It was a time of inconvenience and disgust. I began to look forward to my period. It let me know that my hormones were being regulated, that I was energetically releasing efficiently, that I was in sync with the Universe.
This healing journey has brought me closer to my body and I am glad to have come across resources over the years that helped me understand how to nourish my body for optimal function in all of my systems, physically, spiritually and energetically.
For me personally, I know that when I bleed on the new moon and ovulate on the full moon, I am in a good space holistically. Earlier this year, right before my 30th birthday, my body decided to sync back up with the moon and I have been aligned ever since!
When I bleed now, I can tell how well I nourished my body the previous month. If I cramp heavy, if the blood is thick, if it is dark, if I bleed a lot on my first two days (I bleed for 6 days), I know that I didn’t nourish myself well enough. It is a great marker to know what about my lifestyle that I need to change or do better with. If I bleed brighter, if my cramps are mild, if it is an “easy bleed” I know that my uterus is happy.
Being in tune with my body allows me to know when to pivot, when to do more, when to do less, etc. I love my reproductive system and I talk to her all the time. I give her massages and place my hands on her, sending loving energy to her. She reminds me that I need to rest or that We have a great relationship where we trust each other.
A few main pointers are:
All physical dis-eases originate energetically. Approach things holistically, going to the source instead of looking at and only addressing the symptoms.
Engage with shadow work. It isn’t always fun, but it is ALWAYS worth it. Address and process your traumas in whatever ways are available to you. I would highly encourage therapy but do what you can. All of this helps to energetically clear the sacral/womb space of heavy negative energy.
Develop a relationship with your reproductive organs, however that looks like for you. I would suggest literally getting in touch with this part of yourself.
Drink plenty water. Your body is mostly water. Water is the element of the sacral chakra. Stay hydrated and stay healthy.
Nourish your body with the vitamins and minerals it needs. Pay attention to the foods and drinks your body craves. It will tell you what it needs when you allow it. For instance, I wanted MEAT (particularly beef) right before my last period. I gave my body what it asked for. Although I take iron supplements, it probably needed more iron and I bled bright red!
Move. If you can shake your ass or move your hips, please do. Also, don’t be afraid of hip openers if you have a yoga practice. In general, movement helps with blood, oxygen, and energetic circulation.
I hope that you found this informative.
Happy bleeding!