To the women of color who fight off depression
Many don’t realize the constant struggle of warding the darkness off & functioning in society
Most wouldn’t even know because we smile & talk as if we are fine and the moment we are to ourselves, floods of salt water release from our eyes.
Many won’t know that sometimes we feel crazy, fight for our sanity
Because depression is ever knocking on the doors of our hearts
Yelling over the voice in our mind
& we just want it to
We just want to feel normal & focus on getting our lives right.
Providing for ourselves & our families.
Being there for our loved ones.
It is fighting a battle on both sides
Where you want to press forward, but someone is holding on to one arm, pulling you back.
While walking in quicksand
You do your best to keep your breath.
But you are tired.
Your body wants to give out. Your mind wants to give up.
But your spirit still whispers the words to keep you going.
You know it will not last forever
But you do not want to deal with it now
You don’t have time
Because the time you spend fighting off depression
Could have been spent working towards your future.
Constant back & forth
Most do not understand.
They just say it will be alright,
But when you are in the middle of your darkness
It is so hard to see the light
The amount of energy you must muster up to take one step
Is like pulling the weight of a hundred men
Those who don’t know give you solutions that you already know
But to put them in practice is much easier said than done.
You politely tell them to be quiet & listen
Because this has never been a battle they have had to fight.
They cannot relate to your sleepless nights or days spent so in your head that you forget to be present
& then get upset because for hours you were not present in the real world
In order for you to survive
& not break down completely
You release a few tears & take deep breaths
You disconnect to silence the chatter
To find the voice of your spirit
To tell everything in your body to just stop
& surrender to the stillness.
Copyright © 2016 All words are the property of J. Chavae unless stated otherwise. Content is not to be shared in part or in whole unless approved by author.