All posts filed under: lifestyle

Skinny Girls Have Body Issues Too

I have been skinny my whole life. I wasn’t even a super chunky baby or child. Growing up, and still to this day, people question if I eat or even if I have an eating disorder. Going to a (West Indian or African) friends house, I always get the passive ask/tell, “Are you hungry?” from their parents. If I say no, they ask again as if to say, “I am not asking you, take this food and eat it” and if I do say yes, I feel like I am being watched to make sure that I actually put the food in my mouth and swallow it. I have always had a fast metabolism and I have always loved food. I can out eat most grown men if you ask me. My family used to call me a garbage disposal/vacuum cleaner because I would scarf down a plate of food extremely fast and still want seconds. Weight has never really stuck on me. In fact, when I get stressed out, I lose weight very easily. …

Advice to the People Who Have Never Experienced Mental Health Issues, But Still Want to Help

One thing I have been hearing a lot lately is “I don’t know what to do” from those who have never dealt with depression or anxiety, but knows and/or cares about someone that does. I know it is tough seeing someone you love, or at least close to you, suffering, but you have no idea what to do in the situation. As my mother tried comforting me during an episode, I could sense that she felt helpless. I can only imagine what it feels like being in that position, a mother who is unable to help her child in that moment. I also talked to a friend who had the same sentiments in regards to one of her close memebers of her family. I am going to share what can work & what currently works for me. Of course this may not work for everyone, and you have to judge case by case, but hopefully this gives you a bit more insight. Here we go. Number one for me is to show that you genuinely …

I Spent My Thanksgiving In a Korean Wellness Center 

My life is never ordinary, average, or normal. Ever. Here is how it all started. I was informed by my mother a few days ago (like the Monday before Thanksgiving) that we would be having Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday instead of Thursday. Being that I was told so late, I already had my schedule given to me & I happened to be on the work schedule for Saturday. Not going to lie, I was a bit irritated irritated. (I do think the depression made the feeling worse). For once, I kind of did want to be with family or people I actually cared about. My boyfriend had left to see his mother out of state & I knew my friends down here had plans of their own. So I was left to my own devices. In my head, I planned it all out. I was going to have the day to myself. It was going to be quiet. My phone was going to be off. I was going to read, paint, sleep as much as …

Black Man We Will Love You: The Fragility of Black Masculinity

|9.29.16|2:20am Dear black men, We will still love you if you love flowers too If you choose to cry When you feel weak We will love you if you like to wear pink If you don’t like rap music If you like to get your toes done If you like your hair long or want to wear it straight If you like to be dominated in the bedroom We will love you if you’re quiet If you like to be romantic If you decide to compliment another man If you tell your brother you love him & give him a real hug We will still love you if you’re not “hard”, if you’re not about that street life If you are a nice man If you like to read If you love to learn We will love you if you don’t like to wear clothes or call other black men “nigga”. If you don’t want to play or like basketball or football If you want to be in love & stay with one woman We …

My Deep Rooted Issue With School

I was talking to a friend and it suddenly hit me why I have such an aversion to school. I have had negative experiences in a school setting since I was 4 years old. Granted, I have had some good moments and met people who I am friends with to this day. I absolutely LOVE learning and I think that was the only thing that I really liked about school. When I was 4, my mother enrolled me in a Seventh-Day Adventist Christian school called Oakview Preparatory School in Yonkers, NY. I was an extremely smart child (my mother had taken me to get psych tests & even the doctors confirmed this). By age 4, I could read & write. Not just little children books filled with mostly pictures, but real books. I knew what sex was and how babies came about. I knew about my body & the things that would come about. My mother made sure that I knew the truth about a lot of things. She spent special time with me making sure …

I Deleted My Facebook, Twitter, & Snapchat

Has she gone mad? Is she suffering a quarter life crisis? What is wrong with this woman????? A few months ago when I told people that I was taking a fast from social media the looked at me like I was entirely crazy (especially millennials). They looked at me as if I did the impossible and took myself off of life support. “Who does that?” “Why would you even want to be off of social media?” “You are doing the most, you are so extreme.” Am I really? Is what I have done in the past, what I did today this unfathomable thing? Have we, as a people, become so dependent on social media that we NEED it in our every day lives? I personally love not being on my phone all day. I like to enjoy whatever it is that I’m doing. (I often forget to take pictures because I am so in the moment) As most of you all know  (especially if you follow me on Instagram), I have been going through major …

My Chakra Clearing Experience

Let it be known that I was not planning on getting my chakras cleared anytime soon. I did, though, have a feeling that I needed a cleansing since the summer solstice. As you all have read in previous posts, I was dealing with depression. My first doula client, Onika, had hit me up and asked me how I was doing. I was honest with her and told her that I wasn’t doing so well. She immediately said, “Sis, let me clear your chakras for you.” I told her that I didn’t have any money to pay her (I am really big about paying people for their services especially when I know that they are good and what they do is their lively hood. I respect their art + I have a thing with just taking things for free because I feel as though I have to do/give something in return. I am working on that) Any who, she replied, “You helped me when I needed you the most so I am going to help you …

Book Review || You Are A Badass

Let me say that this book was BEYOND amazing!! I had originally purchased this book about 3 years ago. I had read maybe 1/4 of the book and for some reason I put it down (even though I enjoyed the book when I first picked it up). Maybe my Spirit knew that I wasn’t ready or I wouldn’t absorb it as I should. Fast forward two years later to last month, I got a prompt to start this book again. I kid you not, it was like reading a completely different book through different eyes. The same words I had read years ago sounded totally different and registered in my brain in a completely new way! I finished this book with such enthusiasm! I will tell you all that this book is a definite MUST READ on your self-love/self-improvement journey. I feel as though You Are A Badass was right in alignment with everything else that I have been reading this year. I especially love this book because it is a very deep book with …

Summer Solstice + Full Moon 2016

When I tell you, this was beyond needed for me…it was beyond needed for me. June 20, 2016 was an amazing day. I had been feeling down, extremely low vibrations the past few days. On the brink of depression. Sleeping my days away because my dream state was much more appealing & light compared to my awake/conscious state. A lot was/is happening in my life, my brain was tired of thinking, planning, re-thinking, thinking again, changing negative thoughts to good ones….I was overwhelmed and over it. I kept telling the Universe. I NEED MONDAY. I need Monday for me. Please not hiccups, no more bad news, no more frustrations. Just give me Monday. I was on a mission to make the most of the solstice & I was going to make sure that happened. Monday came along & I was so ready. I had prepared a gem elixir/flower essence & I set it out in the morning for a few hours while I ran some errands. When I came back I could already see the …

You Can’t be Black AND Depressed

In the black community depression doesn’t exist. Hold on. Let me explain. Black people do experience depression, of course, but we as a people pretend like we don’t, or at least we don’t acknowledge that we experience depression or do our damndest to convince other black people that they’re not experiencing it. We pretend that depression does not exist in the black community. We are told that depression is for White people (no offense to my White/Caucasian readers). & lets not even attempt to cry out for help because getting treated for depression is most definitely not something that we, as a people, do. We, as a people, make our depression worse. We cannot be Black and have depression because we have to be strong. This mindset might even predate slavery. We cannot show signs of weakness because we must keep fighting, we must keep pushing. We have to be strong for our families. We have to be strong Black women & our brothers have to be strong Black men. We must be the nurturers & …