How I am Honoring Rest | Rest as Praxis
Depression + anxiety pay me a visit when I am living out of alignment. When I am living out of alignment, I am not living in Spirit.
Amidst the upheaval and deep internal transformation, there is so much discomfort. My barely there income started to get even smaller. Things didn’t seem to be shifting even after I was doing different things and applying to jobs. Depression was kicking my ass for at least ½ the week every week.
I tend to be a person that leans into extremes and so I, kind of unconsciously, started doing the most because so much of my life was being cleared away and so much was unsettled. (Maybe I was even trying to distract myself from feeling some of my feelings?) Even though I stopped going on social media, I started putting more offerings out there and told myself that I would do more behind the scenes. I started a 40-day sadhana in which I created 15 different steps to. I was working out every day. I was determined to move the grief and accelerate the ascension.
Then I hit energetic burnout. My body and my spirit demands rest if I do not give myself the rest that I need. Spirit told me that, again, I was doing the most and that I need to actively and intentionally rest because life is about to pick up in all of the best ways. This time, instead of fighting it, I surrendered. THY WILL BE DONE because I refuse to have to go through this again. I am learning my lessons now.
The definitions of rest according to the dictionary:
cease work or movement in order to relax ,refresh oneself, or recover strength
freedom from activity or labor
a state of motionlessness or inactivity
peace of mind or spirit
There are mental, emotional, and physical forms of rest. Everyone’s version of resting will manifest differently and it will probably change over time as life shifts.
These are the ways that I am honoring rest in this phase of my life.
Sleep. Rest for me does not always mean sleep, but it often does. Sleep for me is a way for my physical body to reset as well as a time for my soul to do its thing and go where it needs to go in order to help me facilitate this ascension. Even if I am not asleep, I try to be horizontal as much as I can.
Do Not Disturb. DND is my favorite feature on my phone. I leave this setting on for most of my day and I stopped trying to get back to people quickly. If someone does not call me, I do not consider it important and I only reply when I feel as though I can be present in the conversation. I have also been more mindful about reaching out/not reaching out to people. I reach out when I have the capacity. I answer the calls of the people that do not drain my energy.
Doing less. I am literally doing the least. As a Projector (in Human Design), I am designed for resting at least ⅔ of my time. I told myself that it is okay to do less despite what society and my fear center say. In my doing less I am able to BE more. In being more, I am able to receive the messages and integrate the lessons I need to learn in a more efficient and easful manner. [Read my post about if I did nothing here]
Creating to share less. I am not outputting as much as I used to. I am leaning more towards BEING instead of trying to prove my worth via how much I can give and produce. This is a very capitalistic way of thinking and I am deprogramming myself and decolonizing my mind as hard as it is some days. If and when I create something it is for my personal pleasure and I rarely share it with anyone. I am tapping back into my own hobbies and love for creating art that no one knows about. I create because I want to not because I have to or because I am seeking validation, consciously or unconsciously) from anyone outside of myself.
Spending time with Spirit. I spend so much more time being in ritual and being in Spirit. It is truly my happy place. When I am “in the world” or focusing on pleasing “the world”, my spirit hates it and it is not sustainable. I create more time for me to be in a place to commune with the Divine. This can look like meditation, singing songs that move my spirit, or pulling cards.
No social media. This has been one of the biggest ways to rest. Within being off of social media for two days, my mind shifted to a place of more ease and clarity. The pressure to share is subsiding. I am not sure if I will ever get back on social media for real this time because even going on Instagram on a computer for 5 minutes induced anxiety. It has been pleasant to have my days (and my mind) back. It has been wonderful to get back to a place where I think and do for myself without thinking how someone else will perceive it or of they will like it.
Getting curious & allowing myself to explore/research. Even though this causes me to use my brain and do things, I noticed that curiosity, exploration, and research really energizes me and puts me in a higher vibrational space, especially when the area of focus has to do with spirituality, astrology, or systems. Literally looking up someone’s birth chart pulled me out of a deep depression just last week. I love getting to know and understand someone from different lenses. I am sure that putting myself in an explorer mindset is on or near the same level as creator mode. It shifts my focus from what is wrong and what I do not have to find out what I can learn.
Moving my body in silence. My therapist suggested this to me a couple of weeks ago. She said that moving in silence allows the mind-body to not get distracted from focusing on the lyrics or even the melody of a song. Moving my body in silence allows me to be present with what is happening in my mind and body. Whether it be riding a bicycle or moving my body on my yoga mat, I have been doing better with being fully present and immersed in the moment. Even in active movement, my mind rests.
Giving myself space and time to do nothing but daydream. In this place of rest, I have been daydreaming a lot more. I hadn’t daydreamed in months and it was really refreshing to go back to that place of being where I can wonder and envision. I am also allowing myself to enter and stay in the Flow state for extended periods of time.
Flowing with my cycles. Every mood or part of a cycle doesn’t last forever. I know that there will be times when I have the energy to do things like write, there will be times (a lot of times) when all I want to do is rest, and there will be times when I am transitioning between these spaces. I am learning to really lean into the flow of wherever I am and to trust my mind, my body, and my spirit.
All in all, I am learning to trust myself as I spend more time with myself. Rest is integral to my being, to my survival, to my sustainability, to my wellness and it is not something I can play around with or compromise anymore. Rest often can feel wrong and I challenge that more and more every day. I rebel against capitalism in my own little ways. I pray that as you read this, something stood out to you, and that you will create space in your life to honor rest in whatever way resonates with you.