the In-Between: IDENTITY, JOY AND FREEDOM.
Brace yourself as this was a really long and possibly convoluted download that I received in conversation with my friend Jewelle and kept getting expanded on in multiple conversations after.
The In-Between, the “Liminal Space”, the place between here and there, is somewhere that I have historically disliked being. I have always likened myself to someone who is a “destination” person rather than a “journey” person because why would I journey if I dont an idea of where I am going? Well, I cannot fully say that do like being in the liminal space, but my perspective is shifting and shifting in a significant way.
I realized in this space of dark matter, the holding space, the waiting room, SO much can happen there. I also realized that I spend most of time in the In-Between. Literally most of my life has been spent in the space that is no longer here and yet no longer there…so why do I dislike it so much? Why do I look down on this space and charge my words with angry irritated energy when I speak of it?
I have come to realize that the feeling of this space leaves me feeling HIGHLY ungrounded and disoriented. As a being that has Taurus as my moon and rising sign, I love me some solid ground, I love a tether, I love a good boundary, but the In-Between doesn’t abide by those laws of physics let alone any laws of human understanding.
From my understanding, based on something my cousin shared with me, the In-Between is like spiral that is always moving and never-ending.
We keep meeting ourselves, situations and lessons from different points, but we always come back to them until the lesson is learned and embodied. We rotate around the Self, the Divine that is within us that never changes.
Physical and mortal identity is usually based on fixed points, on check points that tend to be set up in a line. There is usually a “Point A” and a “Point B” with little to no wiggle room. The basis of identity are usually markers left behind by who knows who, which are [intentionally] placed for you to compare yourself to *gags*. These markers are often invisible, deeply engrained into society and upheld by the people who believe in those standards *read imperialist cis-white heteropatriarchal men with capitalistic colonizer mentalities*. These markers also usually enforce some form of binary: “this or that”, “woman or man, girl/boy”, “heterosexual or homosexual”, “skinny/fat”, “happy disposition or angry disposition”, “virgin or whore”, “ugly/beautiful”, “religious (some form of Christian is usually the assumption) or atheist”. You get the point. Our identities are usually defined by some form of duality in which we are supposed to choose either or, choose the “right one”, fit into the “right one” or else that could mean trouble because of someones frustration in their inability to grasp “YES AND”, a life, an identity outside of a binary.
The thing is, we CAN form an identity outside of a shapeless thing because we are a shapeless intangible thing inside of a physical body. When we realize that we can abide outside of binaries in many different areas of our lives, when we realize that we do not have to adhere to societal standards, we can create our own identities. Instead of looking outside to these fixed points, we can turn inwards to be with ourselves, to ask our spirit who it is and what it wants in this life and be with the unlimited possibilities and potential that lies latent internally.
Disclaimer: Let me say that it can be a daunting task that might leave you frustrated and exhausted with trying to explain who you are to people. Let me also say that depending on your environment and immediate physical community, it might not be safe for you to express your true self. For those of you that are not in supportive communities and environments, I pray that you attract your tribe and that whatever it is you believe in grants you the ability to be in a safe physical space so that you may experience peace deep in your bones, in your spirit.
The In-Between has no shape. It exists outside of those fixed points. How can there be joy in something that has no form and is ever changing? A shapeshifter and a formless thing?…what a mind fuck, right?! While the In-Between itself is shapeless, the In-Between is shaping, it shapes YOU. Can you identify as “nothing and everything”, can you find a point on the spectrum to land that feels most resonant? While it may feel like something distant, it is very possible to experience and embody joy in this space.
In thinking about the possibility of joy, what was given to me by the Divine was to “celebrate the “arrivals” in the in between”. Especially the small arrivals. If you have ever experienced babies or people who have had babies, every little thing the baby does is a celebration. The baby picked up its head for the first time. Celebration! The baby rolled over. Celebration! The baby pulled itself up to stand. Celebration! The baby walked. Celebration! The baby spoke its first word. Celebration! Every new skill, the child is celebrated and somehow as adults, we have lost this ability to celebrate when we or someone close to us does a new or cool thing! Instead when we arrive, we almost immediately fix our gaze to the next thing, the next goal, the next place that we are “supposed to” arrive. No matter how many times we arrive, we are never “good” enough and must therefore strive and work towards something else, something better. We seldom allow ourselves to be in that moment of arrival let alone truly celebrate it. My friend Jewelle likened this to a deeply ingrained form of self-loathing which is rooted in the feeling of unworthiness (again, a thing society reinforces). If we can work through that feeling that we are “never good enough”, we can relearn how to love where we are, the journey to this arrival point, our expansiveness and lean into not limiting ourselves.
It is so cliche, but in the present moment aka the In-Between is where the joy is at. It is also the space to reflect and introspect. How are you different from the version of you that existed last month, last year, 5 years ago? How much more have you embodied the version of you that most aligns with your Highest Self, your Truest you? It has nothing to do with distance, but more so a feeling deep in your core.
“Arriving” is simply a point to check how far you come, a moment for reflection. But what if every moment was an arrival moment? This is how we create joy in the In-Between. Spirit said to “Mark your moments”. Arrivals are so brief, so celebrate yourself every time you “arrive” at a place that feels more like home to you, a place that feels most like yourself. It doesn’t have to be a place to get to, but more so something that deep down warms your soul. The celebration of arrival can be anything. Celebrate waking up. Celebrate doing a new thing. Celebrate doing something that was good for your body. Celebrate time with a person you love that loves you too. Celebrate the sun on your face. Celebrate being able to do something you didn’t know how to do. Celebrate the fact that you have breath in your body. Celebrate your ability to smile. Celebrate you because there is so much joy there and available to you.
The In-Between is the waiting room where we don’t want for anything, don’t need anything more, don’t need to do anything. We are simply being until we receive Higher Wisdom that tells us to move. So uncomfortable, right! In the In-Between, the next steps are revealed (more on this in a later post).
Truth be told, there is a great deal of information in the In-Between. The In-Between is a limitless spectrum. And while I understand that containers are important, SO IS LIMITLESSNESS. There is an importance of both. As I said before, in this space rests all of the unlimited potential and possibilities.
The In-Between is a place of integration and possibly even rest. When starting to write this post about a month ago, I couldn’t fully understand how to even create an identity in the In-Between, even though the title of this blog was given to me. After some time, it started to make sense to me. How could we know who we are if there is never stillness? How could we know who we are if there was not a time to be and integrate. The In-Between is like savasana, that final posture in yoga where you are laying on the floor. On the outside it doesn’t appear as though you are doing anything, from the inside, it may feel like you aren’t doing anything but laying on the floor…but magic is happening regardless of your awareness of it. Your physical body is processing all of the things that you did to it to to assist in moving the energetic body. The physical body, the physical plane is DENSE so it needs time to catch up. If you walked out of a yoga class (or any body/physical energy work) without integration, you would feel extremely open, sensitive, ungrounded and overall not the best.
All in all, the In-Between is in integral place to explore who we are as well as concepts of joy and freedom. It is a place that shapes us. And while I have yet to fully love the In-Between, it is a landscape that I am coming to appreciate and respect more and more.
That was A LOT and I hope that you were able to pick up some of what I put down.
I would absolutely LOVE to hear your thoughts on what came up for you as you were reading this. Is the In-Between something that you are aware of? What is your temperament usually in the In-Between? What is your attitude toward the In-Between?