What happens when we internalize harm?

Harm is usually caused by those who have had harm inflicted upon them. Causing harm to another being is a form of energy release that is a double edge sword...no one wins, yet the cycle continues.

Physical, verbal, or emotional harm that is experienced usually stays in the body, especially if one is not able to "fight" (and win) or escape. The brains usually stores the event and perpetrator as what to avoid, which leads to being triggered by any stimuli that resembles the threat.

Internalizing harm, as well as other low vibrational emotions, eventually cause disease and imbalance in the body. It starts out energetically and can lead to physical manifestations of different diseases and illnesses.

Those that do not have the highest emotional intelligence (our mamas and others can be put in this category) will often inflict harmon the closest things to them. As stated in a previous post, humans hurt other humans usually when feeling threatened or to maintain a sense of control. 

"If I hurt this person, I win, I am better, I am bigger, etc."

The thing is, though, that when harm is sent out, it actually doesn't go away...it usually gets worse because then GUILT and SHAME is at play.

I cannot remember if I read it in "Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma" by Peter A. Levine PhD or "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk, but there was this analogy of someone cutting you off while on the road. You start to follow the person and then you see the car in a parking lot. You get the bat out of your trunk and then proceed to smash this car up, taking out all of your anger on this person that cut you off. Then, you suddenly come to your senses, get back in your car and speed home in fear, guilt, and shame that you just did something crazy. You dont mention it to anyone because you're embarrassed....and the cycle continues.

In that example, the person who was filled with anger (and rage) caused harm to someones property because they were unable to reason and level with their emotions. They were unable to let their anger out in a constructive and controlled way.

How can you not be like frantic bat person? 

Express your anger, healthily.

Anger is a VALID and complete emotion...all emotions are. What does anger tell you? That you have been violated in some way. You were unable to protect yourself. You are not being seen or heard, which can cause frustration. Your boundaries have been crossed. You feel trapped. (You can list others below.)

The trick is to first acknowledge that you are feeling angry (maybe its even rage).

Second, realize that emotions only last for a few seconds, as they are just hormones secreted in the body. Anything past those seconds is a choice to stay there.

Third, try and figure out the root of the anger.

Fourth, find a space to express yourself. Personally, I do this with my partner. I say/yell scream, "This is not directed at you, but I am feeling really ANGRY right now..." and I go on to tell him the reasons why this emotion came up. It can be a person or an event that took place. Usually once I am done saying what I have to say, I take a deep breath and I usually feel a bit better. If I don't, I take it to my journal. 

***I know that not everyone has a person or a place to feel and express anger, especially as a woman, let alone a woman of color. There aren't many safe spaces to do that, but hopefully this can be a brave space for you all. 

Some people use creativity (music, visual art) as a medium to express themselves when they feel like no one is there to listen to them. Others choose vigorous physical exercise to channel their anger. One free and accessible way to release emotions that can potentially cause harm to yourself or others is to scream (you can do this into a pillow). Lastly, use deep belly breaths to keep yourself centered until you can find your safe space. Either way, find what works for you.

Harm is prevented when one can mindfully, safely, and healthily express (release and discharge) the anger bottled up inside. If it is not let out, harm happens intentionally/unintentionally and when we harm others, we truly harm ourselves.

QUESTION:

Can you think of times when you hurt someone because of your own hurt and pain that you were experiencing?

When it comes to people that have caused you harm, how were they hurting? (this does not excuse their actions nor does it justify what they did. Y'all know I love a good perspective shift)

Do you have a safe space to discharge energy?

Are there people you can rely on to just be an ear to listen when you need to vent?

What ways can you healthily express anger, rage, or frustration that you feel?