To the Women of Color Who Fight Off Depression

To the women of color who fight off depression Many don't realize the constant struggle of warding the darkness off & functioning in society

Most wouldn't even know because we smile & talk as if we are fine and the moment we are to ourselves, floods of salt water release from our eyes.

Many won't know that sometimes we feel crazy, fight for our sanity

Because depression is ever knocking on the doors of our hearts

Yelling over the voice in our mind

& we just want it to

STOP

We just want to feel normal & focus on getting our lives right.

Providing for ourselves & our families.

Being there for our loved ones.

It is fighting a battle on both sides

Where you want to press forward, but someone is holding on to one arm, pulling you back.

While walking in quicksand

You do your best to keep your breath.

But you are tired.

So tired.

Your body wants to give out. Your mind wants to give up.

But your spirit still whispers the words to keep you going.

You know it will not last forever

But you do not want to deal with it now

You don't have time

Because the time you spend fighting off depression

Could have been spent working towards your future.

Constant limbo

Constant back & forth

Most do not understand.

They just say it will be alright,

But when you are in the middle of your darkness

It is so hard to see the light

The amount of energy you must muster up to take one step

Is like pulling the weight of a hundred men

Those who don't know give you solutions that you already know

But to put them in practice is much easier said than done.

You politely tell them to be quiet & listen

Because this has never been a battle they have had to fight.

They cannot relate to your sleepless nights or days spent so in your head that you forget to be present

& then get upset because for hours you were not present in the real world

In order for you to survive

& not break down completely

Burn out

You release a few tears & take deep breaths

You disconnect to silence the chatter

To find the voice of your spirit

To tell everything in your body to just stop

& surrender to the stillness.

Copyright © 2016 All words are the property of J. Chavae unless stated otherwise. Content is not to be shared in part or in whole unless approved by author.