Trauma with your mama story No. 010

So I have completely cut off communication with my mother. My entire life we've never got along. As a child she used to beat me almost everyday. She has loved to cause arguments every day, tried to control every second of my life - causing me to act out, rebel and self destruct in my late teens/early 20s. She has always and opened favoured my brother. Her health has always been bad but she uses that to play the victim. My whole life she has made up sick lies about to me (like I beat and starve her) to my friends, relatives, neighbours basically anyone who will listen, I don't know what she achieved from this. She laughed at me and bullied me with her family members. I used to feel like I had no home, it was unbearable with her I used to just ride the bus all day during summer breaks of university and college just to get away from her. Even if I stayed in my room she'd barge in to verbally abuse me (she had her nephew kick my door down so I had no privacy, no locks were allowed even in the bathroom). Come into the bathroom every time I tried to shower. Go through my stuff, throw my toiletries away, not let me put my stuff anywhere, took all my clothes and burnt them in the garden. I finally built a relationship with my cousins but she would call and harass them so much they'd only meet me in secret. She only gave me food because she was putting black magic in it. (a cultural thing). She treated me like a slave expected me to clean and run after her and her son all day, if I say down she would bark at me to get up. She made my life a living hell, I self harmed and contemplated suicide many times, but I never had the guts. Every time I went out I didnt want to go back home because she'd be there waiting to hurl abuse, she hated the idea of me having even a second of fun. She tried to force me to get married, I resisted. Got my brother to steal thousands from me. Used all my money for her home renovations. When I did get married she used to insult me in front of my inlaws, insult my husband, tried her very best to break us up and almost succeeded. She used her illnesses as a reason for us to live with her,I thought she might change she didnt. I had a baby, whenever my baby slept she would bang the doors to wake him and anger me. I couldn't take her screaming and arguing anymore, not allowing me to even hold my baby in peace or letting my baby sleep. We left and now we've been homeless living in the worst place for a year. After we left she sent non stop nasty voicemails saying she will smash my stuff up, and hoping our car crashes we die.

But I'm so happy to be away from her, I moved to a different country, I wish I left earlier, but I can't change that all I know is I never ever want to be like that or have my kids feel the way I did. Being with her was like being forced to drink soul destroying poison every day, I used to constantly wish for death, and I don't know what hell could be worse than my life with her. Now, I'm blessed with a beautiful family and my husband is so amazing. I'm at the very beginning of my healing I don't think I can forgive her though, as far as I'm concerned I have no mother and never did because no mom would do what she did.

—N.K.